I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
