I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
