So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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