i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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