boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
