He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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