I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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