At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
