Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my liver is dry heaving
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
