Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
