No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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