my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
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No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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