I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
