No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
