Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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