is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize