She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.