I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?