either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
