You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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