I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize