I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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