there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
