There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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