I don't think brook has ever known best
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...