Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.