covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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