the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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