ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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