ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I could make wine with my vomit
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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