Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
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This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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