Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
