you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize