I smell stomach acid.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
