I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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