I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
