The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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