hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
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I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching