im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.