He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.