i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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