her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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