Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
