i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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