if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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