GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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