it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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