Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
