I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
