I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize