you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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