Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize