I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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