He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize